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Wedding planning is a lot different than you think it will be.

It’s no secret that planning a wedding can be stressful, expensive, and time-consuming. When you get engaged, you are automatically expected to put together a huge party (possibly the biggest of your life), with no experience in event planning and usually very little help. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and to start to hate the entire process, which is unfortunate since your time being engaged is supposed to be a happy time for you and your significant other. You might find that the planning process will be a little easier if you know what to expect.

There are certain things that you, as a newly-engaged person, might already have on your radar. You’ve probably already heard that everything is pricey, that you need to book things far in advance, and that creating a guest list can feel close to impossible. But there are some unexpected things that happen as well that no one ever tells you about. As someone who has been engaged for over a year now, I have experienced all of these things myself, and I know I wish I knew about them before they happened.

So, to feel more prepared as you get ready for your big day, take a look at some of the things you can expect to go through while planning a wedding.

You will not be able to stop talking about your wedding, even if you don’t want to be that person It’s just on your mind a lot.

Before you get engaged, it’s easy to get frustrated with newly-engaged friends and family members who can’t seem to stop talking about their wedding — listening to them feels exhausting. But once you get engaged and start the planning process, you will almost definitely find that you have become that person.

It’s hard not to talk about it all the time, to be honest. If you’re really into your wedding day, you’ll be really focused on planning, so it’s only natural that you’ll feel the need to bring it up whenever possible. It also doesn’t help that everyone asks you about it all the time.

Everything happens all at once in the beginning, and then all at once at the end

It’s a lot of hurry up and wait.

When I set my wedding date, I figured that the next year and a half of my life would be full of non-stop planning. I was wrong. When you’re planning, what typically happens is that a lot of important stuff needs to be done all at once, in the beginning; then there’s a lull where absolutely nothing happens; then as the date arrives, everything picks back up again.

In the beginning, you’ll drive yourself crazy booking vendors, researching, and trying to come up with your own vision. In the end, you’ll feel exhausted writing checks, finalizing things, and fixing anything that may have gotten messed up along the way. But in the middle? You’ll simply be waiting.

If you go to a wedding expo, you should create a new email address. They will spam you.

Wedding expos are quite common, and can be helpful if you’re struggling to find vendors or a vision. They usually involve a whole bunch of vendors in booths who will try to get you to book with them, so they can be a bit overwhelming. The best piece of advice I got about them, that I unfortunately did not take, was to create a new email address just for the wedding.

Each vendor will ask for your contact info, and even if you only give it out to one person you’re interested in, your email somehow gets added to seemingly every wedding-related business in a 100-mile radius. You will be inundated with emails for months, and it’s not exactly fun. I also got a lot of phone calls from vendors as well. Keep that in mind.

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People start asking about pregnancy plans before the big day even gets here. Hold your horses people.

You know how, before you got engaged, everyone you knew wouldn’t stop asking you when you were getting engaged? If you’re like me, it probably started to make you angry after a while. When you got engaged, you might have thought, “Ah, finally — no one will ask me about a future I don’t have answers about.” You would be wrong!

Once you get engaged, the pregnancy questions start — yes, before you even have a chance to walk down the aisle. Everyone you will know will begin prying into your personal life once again, asking when you plan to have kids and how many you want. And yes, it’s equally as annoying.

You’ll start speaking in wedding lingo. Some of it is better than others.

No one really wants to be that person who says things like, “My FH loved that venue” or “Did you get my STD?” (a rather unfortunate piece of wedding lingo that means “Save The Date”). However, you will likely become that person (FYI, it took me weeks to figure out that FH means “Future Husband”). You will also become the person who understands the ins and outs of seating charts, processionals, and all of the specific types of wedding attire. It just comes with the planning.

Everyone will give you advice

You may have heard this before, but it is absolutely worth repeating: everyone you know will give you advice, wanted or unwanted, about your wedding. Some people will be unflinchingly rude when it comes to their opinion on what you’re doing. Some will take it as a personal offense that you’re eschewing tradition for something more unique. Some will butt in when you didn’t even offer information. Try to take in stride, or just keep quiet about what you’re doing.

You’ll compare your wedding to everyone else’s wedding. Comparison is the thief of joy.

In the weeks, months, or years leading up to your wedding, you will probably be invited to other weddings, bridal showers, and/or bachelorette parties. During those, you will compare every decision you’ve made to the decisions made at those events. It’s not exactly fun, it’s just that you can’t really help it. This can turn negative fast, so try to remember your vision and keep in mind that you picked these things because they made you happy. It’s not about what other people are doing, just about what you want.

It’s your day, but it’s not completely your day It’s about your partner too.

You know how everyone says things to the bride like, “Enjoy it, this is your big day!” or “Sure, this is about your future husband, but really, it’s about you.” That’s nice, but don’t be mistaken: this is not completely just your day. First of all, it 100% is your future husband or wife’s day as well — they still get a say in what is going on.

Second, you will, at some point, feel pressured to take into account the feelings of your family and your future in-laws. Your parents may want to add people to your already crowded guest list who mean a lot to them, even if you barely know them — and you will feel obligated to invite them. Your future mother-in-law might have a wedding tradition that is really special to her that you aren’t into, and you might feel like you have to partake in it, or risk being rude. You can ignore these things, of course, it’s just that it’s hard to do so — especially if they are helping pay for the event.

You’ll probably get swept up in at least one unnecessary thing.

Sometimes you want what you want. Fox

If you spend a lot of time on Pinterest or on a Facebook bride group or around other brides-to-be, you’ll find a lot of wedding inspiration everywhere. In fact, you’ll find so much, that you’ll start wanting things you never thought you wanted, and some of them will be incredibly excessive and unnecessary.

For example I recently decided that I needed extra charger plates and colorful goblets, even though my venue supplies plates and glasses. Never mind the extra thousand bucks, when I saw them, they suddenly seemed to make or break my wedding. Do I need these things? No. Did I used to laugh at people who spent money on these things? Yes. Do I now really want them? Yes! It can be tough to stay practical if needed, so try not to get too swept up.

You will second-guess every big decision, no matter how much you loved it at one point. Even your perfect dress can cause you some second thoughts.

One thing I never knew about wedding planning is how often brides second-guess their dress. When I decided on my dress, I loved it. I felt that feeling you’re supposed to get when you pick The One. But a few months later, I found myself wondering if I had made the right choice. I started waking up at midnight to look at new dresses online. I brainstormed ways I could save up the money to get a different dress. I cried.

As it turns out, I am certainly not the only one who does this. My conversations with several bridal shops have proven to me that most brides come back in, devastated over their choice, but eventually get over it. It happens, and you’ll probably second guess at least one major decision. Try not to let it get to you.

You’re better off not showing off your wedding dress before the big day. People have a lot to say.

One of the best things I’ve done throughout my planning is keep my wedding dress a secret from everyone except my bridal party. I haven’t done this because I think I’m worthy of some giant reveal, I’ve done it because I don’t want to hear any opinions on my dress. If other people’s opinions bother you, I highly recommend keeping your dress a secret as well. People will be surprisingly candid about what you’re wearing, and it can be such an important and personal touch that you don’t need anyone making you feel like you made the wrong decision.

Trying to go casual is harder, and usually more expensive, than staying more traditional It seems easier, but somehow it’s not.

Want a casual, outdoor wedding? That’s great. It’s just that your reasoning shouldn’t be to save money or save time, because casual weddings are tough. They can often be more expensive than a traditional catering hall venue, and they often require more planning. Outdoor venues like barns or wineries usually don’t come with things like bathrooms, tables, chairs, or even food, and you have to be in charge of all of these things that a venue would normally take care of. Outdoor weddings are fantastic, they’re just tricky.

There are a ton of unexpected fees You don’t always see them coming.

It wasn’t until I began venue shopping that I realized that many venues (at least in New York) charge a site fee on top of their per-person fee. In other words, they charge, say, $150 per person, as well as a 10% site fee, as well as a tax. Site fees can be astronomical, depending on the venue you’re looking at (I looked at places where the site fee alone was $20,000). It’s just something to keep in mind when you’re looking around.

That isn’t even the only unexpected fee. There’s also the tip you have to give every vendor, the “donation” you have to give a church if you’re doing your ceremony there, the fee for pre-Cana if you’re Catholic, the fact that many photography packages do not include the price of a wedding album, and more.

Someone close to you will get weird. It stinks but it’s inevitable.

Weddings tend to bring out the worst in some people. During this time that is supposed to be really happy for you and your significant other, you will almost definitely experience some weirdness between at least one close friend or family member. As rough as it sounds, someone is bound to feel jealous about your upcoming wedding because they are not engaged. Every friend I’ve known who has gotten married has dealt with one person close to them who has distanced themselves during the planning process, and in some cases, it ended up seriously harming friendships.

On a less dramatic note, some people will get offended if they aren’t invited, or angry with you if they aren’t invited with a guest.

It can actually be a lot of fun

Seriously. halfpoint/iStock

Wedding planning can have a really bad rep, which can be evidenced in these many negative points here. But in all honesty, it can be a lot of fun when you manage to forget about the stress and the money. Your wedding day is supposed to be a time to celebrate the love you’ve found with someone else, so as long as you keep that in mind, you’ll be okay. And this is probably the only time in your life you’ll be able to do this stuff, so let yourself enjoy it.

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