RELATIONSHIP
Relationship Must Read: 11 relationship red flags that aren’t big deal
Business Insider – You’d be surprised by how many “red flags” aren’t as big a deal as you think
- INSIDER spoke with a number of relationship experts about red flags in a relationship.
- Many of the things people think are automatic red-flags actually aren’t — if you are comfortable letting them go.
- These include: having different fitness standards, height, and having many friends of the opposite sex.
If you have been in the dating game for a while, chances are you know the traits that you deem a red flag.
It’s easy to see why. Getting hurt in relationships pretty much objectively sucks, so the temptation to rule people out based on red flags — the signs or characteristics that a person displays that let you know that you need to shut down your burgeoning relationship ASAP — is valid.
Of course, as New York-based matchmaker Sonya Kreizman told INSIDER, relationship red flags are more about personal preference than anything else. Before getting into a relationship, Kreizman recommends asking yourself, “Does this bother me? Will this bother me over time?” If so, that might be a personal flag for you. In that case, it’s totally cool to cut your losses and move on.
That said, some so-called red flags have a bad reputation that they don’t fully deserve.
INSIDER spoke with relationship experts to find out what “red flags” aren’t as bad as you’ve been led to believe. Read on to find out if you’ve fallen prey to any of them.
1. They still live at home.
Living at home isn’t always a problem. Paramount Pictures
Finding out that a potential partner still lives in their parents’ basement is one of the oldest red flags in the book. But, according to Kreizman, it might not be a reason to write someone off immediately — as long as they have a good reason to be there.
“If he or she started their own business and have temporarily moved back home to pursue their grand vision to take over the world, this should be praised. Your man/woman knows how to save money and set priorities for a successful future,” Kreizman told INSIDER.
Think of it this way — Michael B. Jordan still lives with his parents, and he’s in one of the highest-grossing movies of all time. Why can’t your partner do the same?
If, however, your partner lives off their parents’ income, Kreizman said you should “run.”
2. They have different fitness standards than you.
You and your partner don’t have to exercise together to have a successful relationship.
It may seem vital to date someone who is aligned with your personal commitment to fitness, whether that involves regular triathlons or Netflix marathons.
But according to Rori Sassoon, the co-founder of Platinum Poire matchmaking service, it’s not as big a deal as some people think.
“A lot of people think that it’s necessary to date someone who shares their same exact health and exercise values,” Sassoon told INSIDER. “But you don’t need that for a good relationship.”
As long as your partner respects your fitness goals (or lack thereof), and you respect theirs, your relationship should be fine.
3. They’re not as educated as you.
Your potential bae didn’t go to Yale? It’s NBD. Warner Bros. Television
Many of us have grown up with the idea that everyone needs not only to go to college, but a high-rated one at that. So, it’s not surprising that a lot people hold their dating partners to the same standards. But according to Sassoon, that’s not such a great idea.
“If someone is educated, at least, it doesn’t really matter where they went to school or if they went to an Ivy just because you did,” Sassoon told INSIDER. “You don’t know a person’s financial situation, what they can afford, and why they ended up where they are. It’s just not a big deal in the long run.”
Instead of getting fixated on degrees and pedigree, try to focus on what your potential partner is doing with their life now.
4. They don’t present themselves well.
Don’t eliminate a potential partner just because of their clothes. Shutterstock
“A lot of the time, women will go out with men and they’ll think, ‘If only he had the right jeans,’ or ‘They need to dress right for their body,’ and they’ll eliminate someone based solely on their presentation,” Sassoon told INSIDER. “But even if fashion is important for you, it doesn’t mean it has to be important for them, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have a great relationship.”
Sassoon noted that there is one standard that you should always hold your date to, however.
“Hygiene is important,” Sassoon told INSIDER. “Clothes can change. Hygiene is harder.”
5. They want to keep your lives separate.
You, your partner, and your friends don’t actually have to do everything together.
Feeling worried that your partner regularly hangs out with their friends without you? Don’t. This is actually a good relationship practice, according to Kreizman.
“Let each other breathe,” Kreizman told INSIDER. “Having separate friends is healthy and it will only benefit the relationship in the long run if you don’t do everything together.”
Now, if you have been dating someone for a year and you still haven’t met a single one of their friends, you probably want to explore that. But making a point to spend some time with your friends without your partner, and vice versa, is a great way to avoid isolation and losing touch with your friends in your relationship.
6. They’re not the “right” height
They’re not the Height isn’t everything. Shutterstock
It’s not a crime to have some physical preferences among the people you date. But one thing you shouldn’t get hung up on, according to Kreizman, is height.
“There are many women who won’t even agree to meet with a guy who is under 6 feet,” Kreizman told INSIDER. “Meanwhile, they are 5’2 themselves. Height should not be a huge concern. Personality and character trump height any day.”
7. You don’t like their internet presence
Resist the urge to go down this internet black hole.
Many of us are guilty of doing the odd (or frequent) internet deep dive right before a Tinder date. But, according to Sassoon, that’s not such a great idea.
Not only could this lead to you accidentally revealing some information about your date that you definitely should not know — like the exact phrasing their former boss used to endorse them on their LinkedIn profile in 2015 — but it might also shape your opinions about a person in potentially unfair ways.
“People put a lot of stake in what Google has to say about their potential matches,” Sassoon told INSIDER. “And it’s so crazy, because anybody can say anything about anyone on the internet. What you see online isn’t the full picture of someone’s personality.”
Sure, there are some situations early on in a relationship in which Google is your friend — like if you check out their Instagram and see that they have a secret girlfriend, or find a Twitter account where they regularly spew racist and sexist ideas — but in most cases, it’s best not to do extensive Internet research on someone before you actually get to know them.
8. They’re not on social media.
Not being on social media can be a good thing.
Sometimes, finding that someone has no social media presence can be alarming. After all, it’s 2018. But, according to Kreizman, finding someone who isn’t on social media is actually a blessing in disguise.
“It is so refreshing nowadays when professional individuals do not put everything out there,” Kreizman told INSIDER. “Yes, it might drive you crazy that you can’t follow your new beau’s life on a daily basis, but some mystery is healthy.”
This may be a hard pill to swallow, but it makes sense — it is easier, after all, to maintain a healthy relationship when you aren’t wondering why they liked that one girl’s Instagram selfie, or if the fact that they haven’t watched your Instagram story yet means that they are about to break up with you.
9. They’re divorced.
Being divorced isn’t necessarily a red flag.
Divorce certainly has a stigma attached to it. But it is also stunningly common — according to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50% of married couples in the United States divorce— so it shouldn’t be used as the only indicator of someone’s character.
“Look at the positive side and say, ‘At least they were smart enough to get out of a relationship that wasn’t working for them,’ especially if they didn’t have kids,” Sassoon told INSIDER.
If someone has kids, that may be a bigger issue (though not an insurmountable one). But divorce itself does not necessarily a deal-breaker make.
10. They’ve never been married
There are lots of reasons why someone might not have gotten married.
On the flipside of divorce is another, somewhat paradoxical red flag that Sassoon has come across in her career as a matchmaker — a stigma around people who have never been married.
“When you get into your 30s and 40s, people start to get really concerned about people who’ve never been married,” Sassoon told INSIDER.
“There are so many reasons [why someone might not have married], none of which is necessarily a character flaw,” Sassoon said. “Maybe they were building their career, maybe they didn’t find the right person, maybe they were in a long-term relationship and never got around to it. No matter what the case is, you shouldn’t eliminate someone from the dating pool because they never married.”
11. They have lots of friends of the opposite sex
Don’t be alarmed if your partner has a BFF of the opposite sex.
If you are in a heterosexual relationship, you may feel concerned if your partner seems to exclusively be friends with people of the opposite sex. But, according to Kreizman, it shouldn’t actually be an issue.
“Having a partner with friends of the opposite sex is actually great,” Kreizman told INSIDER, since it’s an easy way to explain your social circle and see how your SO interacts with other people of the opposite sex.
“If you have a problem with it, that might be more of a red flag for you and you should address that insecurity.”
Of course, these friendships could be a cause for concern if your partner is secretive about them or doesn’t ever include you when they hang out. But, on the whole, friendships with people of the opposite sex is more of a good sign than a red flag.
Health
Health: Genotype And Compatibility, Phenotype, Blood Groups And DNA
Within the Rh and ABO blood group systems, there are 8 different phenotypes in human blood – A-Positive, B-Positive, A-Negative, B-Negative, AB-Positive, AB-Negative, O-Positive, and O-Negative.
Do you know your genotype and its compatibility, phenotype, blood group and your genetic health?
The genotype is the genetic makeup of an organism and the genetic makeup of an organism is coded for in its DNA, being the hereditary material of the cell.
Medical researches have revealed that the DNA of organisms is organized into sections that code for proteins which are called genes.
Understand that each gene has different versions and the specific version that an organism inherits is its genotype. It is the genotype of an organism that helps to control the phenotype, or the observable traits of that organism.
What are the examples of phenotypes? It include hair color (whether brown, black, blonde), eye color, or even microscopic traits such as which version of a protein is produced inside cells.
How Genotypes, Blood Groups And Phenotypes Are Inherited
Genotypes and blood groups are inherited from parents. There are about 41 types of blood groups according to ISBT in 2019, especially the Rh group and ABO systems.
Within the Rh and ABO blood group systems, there are 8 different phenotypes in human blood – A-Positive, B-Positive, A-Negative, B-Negative, AB-Positive, AB-Negative, O-Positive, and O-Negative.
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The genotype helps to indicate the protein type that is found in the red blood cells (RBCs). People who possess the genotypes SS and SC have sickle cell diseases and based on the type of haemoglobin found in the RBCs, human beings have about six genotypes namely: – AA, AC, AS, CC, SC, and SS.
DNA is the genetic material of the cell in human bodies which is arranged in order of sequences called genes.
Human genes come in different versions called alleles. Allele is one of two or more versions of DNA sequence at a particular genomic location.
Each individual inherits two alleles, one from each parent, for a particular genomic location where the type of variation exists. There are two copies of each gene in an individual and the specific combination of alleles which is inherited is called the genotype.
Study shows that alleles can also be dominant if they mask another allele, or recessive. If you inherit two dominant alleles (LL) your genotype is homozygous dominant. But if it is two recessive alleles (ll) your genotype is homozygous recessive.
In any case an individual inherits one of each allele (Ll) the genotype will be heterozygous.
What Are Differences Between Blood Group And Genotype?
The major difference between blood group and genotype is that blood group is what constitutes the different kinds of blood found in human beings, governed by different antigens found on the surface of the red blood cells (RBCs), while genotype forms the genetic constituency of cells in human beings.
Blood Group
It is important to know that the absence or presence of antibodies and inherited antigenic particles on the surface of the red blood cells (RBCs) leads to the classification of humans’ blood into different groups.
The following are the antigens based on the blood group system: Carbohydrates, proteins, and glycoproteins.
Also note that a few of these antigens are found on the surface of the other cell types of different tissues.
According to Study.com, “There are two main types of genotypes, heterozygous and homozygous. If an organism has a heterozygous genotype, this means they inherit two different versions of a gene. If an organism is homozygous for a gene, it means they inherit two of the same versions of the gene.”
As explained earlier, human beings can inherit a version of blood that produces A-type of blood, B-type of blood, or o-type of blood.
The Following Are Some Examples Of Heterozygous And Homozygous Genotypes
Heterozygous genotypes: Ao, AB, or Bo.
Homozygous genotypes for blood type: AA, BB, or oo.
Research shows that different genotypes produce different phenotypes depending on which version is dominant to the other.
Function Of Genotype And Compatibilities
Genotypes makes up for the genetic constitution of each individual.
Your genotype makes up for the entire heritable genetic identity you possess– the genes transferred from your parent to you, which you also transfer to your children, the children’s children throughout generations.
It is the red blood cells (RBCs) that is involved in determining the genotype of human beings.
Understanding the genotypes compatibilities can prevent the hardships caused by Sickle Cell Disease (SCD) in relationships and families, ensuring healthier generations to come.
The genotypes compatibilities:
- AA + AA: No risk of Sickle Cell Disease
- AA + AS: Safe, but potential carrier of the sickle cell trait
- AS + AS: 25% risk of having a child with SCD
- AS + SS / SS + SS: High risk of having a child with SCD
| Blood group | Genotype |
| What are they? | |
| Refers to different human blood types determined by different antigens found on the surface of the RBCs | It makes up for the genetic makeup of a cell |
| Occurrence | |
| Found outside RBCs | Found in every cell |
| What is the phenotype? | |
| In humans, there are 8 phenotypes of blood groups – A-Positive, B-Positive, A-Negative, B-Negative, AB-Positive, AB-Negative, O-Positive, and O-Negative | In humans, there are 6 phenotypes – AA, AC, AS, CC, SC, and SS |
| How are they determined? | |
| By absence or presence of antigens on the surface of the RBCs | By amino acid sequences of haemoglobin in RBCs |
| What traits does it control? | |
| Governs traits of RBC type only | Governs all the characters that are observed |
| Example | |
| A type, O type, AB type, B type, etc | Height, hair colour, eye colour, etc. – those traits controlled by single genes |
Take the step today—know your genotype and secure a brighter future for yourself and your family.
Business
Bill Gates and Melinda announce their divorce: wealth, fame doesn’t guarantee durable marriage
After twenty-seven years of marriage, Bill and Melinda Gates, one of the most powerful couples in the world, has announced that they are divorcing. Making the announcement on Twitter, the joint statement read that “After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage.”
“The most famous and wealthiest are not the happiest in marriage” ~ Pst. Maxwell Ekene Nnawuihe
The philanthropists said in the statement that they planned to continue to work together on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
Bill and Melinda married in 1994, seven years after Melinda Gates joined Microsoft as a product manager. When Bill Gates initially asked her out, he inquired if they could go out “two weeks from tonight.”
Melinda Gates said: “I have no idea what I’m doing two weeks from tonight.” Bill Gates responded: “You’re not spontaneous enough for me.” After taking her number, he ended up calling her that same day.
They have three children together, including one who is a nationally ranked equestrian show jumper. Each of the Gates children will inherit $10 million, Bill Gates has said, and the rest of the Gates’ fortune will go to charity.
About the time that the pair met, Microsoft had a market capitalization of about $35 billion. Now, that figure is almost $2 trillion, and Microsoft is one of the most valuable companies.
Bill Gates has an estimated net worth of $124 billion, which grew from $98 billion in 2020, according to Forbes. He is No. 4 on the outlet’s ranking of the world’s billionaires .
Forbes named Melinda Gates one of the most powerful women in philanthropy, placing her at the No. 5 spot on its “Power Women 2020” list. Melinda Gates has changed her Twitter-profile name to Melinda French Gates, incorporating her maiden name into the moniker.
The Gates’ have long said they will spend their fortune on philanthropic causes, particularly through the Bill and Melinda Gate Foundation. They launched the organization in 2000 and have given billions to global health, poverty, and education.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has donated upward of $250 million to coronavirus-response efforts since the pandemic began in March 2020.
A spokesperson from the foundation told Insider in an email that Bill and Melinda Gates will remain co-chairs and trustees of the organization and will continue to work together. No changes are planned for their roles in light of the news of their divorce.
In 2010, they launched The Giving Pledge with the billionaire investor Warren Buffett , a commitment to give most of their wealth to charity during their lifetime or pledge to do so after their death.
Details about the divorce are unclear, but the resulting settlement could be one of the largest ever. When Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos and his wife, MacKenzie, split up in 2019, their settlement was $38 billion . The settlement made MacKenzie Scott the third-wealthiest woman.
The Gates’ split is likely to lead to questions from those in the nonprofit world wondering how, if at all, the foundation’s decision-making around investments will be affected.
News
FFK: ‘You and Your Family are Hungry Refugees, Men You Slept With Have all Comfessed’, Regina Fani-Kayode Slams Precious Chikwendu
Mrs. Regina Fani-Kayode, the first wife of a former Aviation Minister, Femi Fani-Kayode, has released and official statement on Precious Chikwendu, ex-wife of Femi Fani-Kayode.
In defense of her husband, Mr. Fani-Kayode, she described Precious Chikwendu and her family as hungry refugees and ungrateful to the goodwill and comfort Femi Fani-Kayode lavished on both her and her family.
Mrs. Fani-Kayode berated Precious Chikwendu for sleeping with her husband’s male friends.
In her words: “All his male friends you have been offering your body to have already confessed so please stop trying to blackmail them”.
Read her statement in full:
“My name is Mrs. Regina Fani-Kayode and I am the first wife of Chief Femi Fani-Kayode. We were married in 1997 and we are still married up until today.
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“Precious Chikwendu, a strange woman that he took under his roof, married under law and custom and lived with for seven years has written things about my husband which are not only untrue but also downright defamatory and scandalous and I will respond to her with the following as a first salvo.
“Precious, you are just a sick woman and a big liar. I know you collected over half a million USD dollars from Femi within the first few months of meeting him for a fake investment. We have witnesses to prove it and remember that you even asked me to thank him for it. I also know he set you up in one business or the other four times in 7 years and got you offices etc. but you squandered it all.
“When you came to my husband and took over my home you and your family were like hungry refugees. You had nothing but rubber slippers and you were desperate for help. My husband sent three of your siblings to the highest schools for seven years and took care of their every need yet you now slander him and insult him not minding the effect it will have on your own children. That in itself proves that you are insane.
“You say he has mental issues meanwhile you were the one that was locked up in a mental hospital for one month after trying to kill him and his children. How could you have stayed in the home of a man with mental problems for six good years and allowed your mother, aunty, two brothers and sisters to stay there too? Who are you trying to fool? You are nothing but a wretched ingrate and, like Madame Kemi Olunloyo said, a pathological liar. And God will punish you and all your siblings for your ingratitude and lies.
“You knew he was still married to me because you and I spoke countless times on the phone and you even stayed in my room and wore my clothes . You had nothing when he took you in, you are so ungrateful. 6 of your relatives lived in my house for 6 yrs and they were all depending on Femi for food , upkeep, medical bills and school fees. Even your sister’s wedding was paid for by him .
“But that didn’t stop you from plotting with your gang to kill him. You admitted to me about being naked in the hotel room with a man on the night FFK caught you. I know the huge amounts of money he spent on you and your family and I’m sure you can’t deny that, that’s why his friends tagged you as a gold digger.
“Your inability to love your children which you attributed to a medical condition was well tolerated by FFK and twelve nannies and nurses were working round the clock to keep you from harming them but you still got to beat up Aragon badly and bleached their skins till they broke out in sores. You are a mother from hell and a horrible woman. In one of your dramatic fits, you pulled knifes to stab Femi and the children and police were called in stop you.
“FFK never laid hands on you, even on the day he caught you in the hotel room with your lover. Is that the act of a violent man ?
“All his male friends you have been offering your body to have already confessed so please stop trying to blackmail them. Stop working for those criminals who are just using your body to rip off rich men. There is so much more to expose about your wickedness but I really don’t have time for your drama this year.
“I am the reason Femi tolerated your nonsense for so long but enough is enough, I will not allow you to kill him because of your greed. He’s too busy to answer your stupid tantrums and fantastic lies, your media rants lack facts and the powerful truth will always prevail.
“Your constant threats to kill the children is why Femi is afraid to leave them with you, you can’t even find the time to call them till now.
“You think raining insults daily on their nannies is the best way to encourage them, instead of talking to your babies. And why were you stealing half their salaries when you had your own allowance ? All the evidence will be presented in court soon”.
(Mrs. Regina Fani-Kayode, 13th March 2021)
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