RELATIONSHIP: You Can Be Happy Whether Or Not In Relationship

In this our day and age, many young men and women, teenagers alike, could do anything within their power and advantage to be in a relationship.

Some would define what they want in a relationship whereas others just wanna be there.

It’s normal that there comes a time in one’s life that exchange of emotions, ideas, vision and love becomes the most or innermost desire. Some of these desire have been fulfilled or disappointed in relationship.

But there are those who are finding fulfilment in their passion/vision outside what relationship could offer. Whilst others are ever willing to die in unproductive and toxic relationship.

Many fight in relationship because all they see and believe they have is relationship. There are young men and women who deplet their energy and exhaust their most productive times/age.

But when you aspire beyond relationship you fly higher in life whether or not in relationship.

The story below is remarkable. It’s not suggesting you quit your relationship or toe the part of Theodora Hawksley. But reveals that there’s still reason to become fulfilled in life whether or not in a relationship:

Theodora Hawksley

Taking a lifelong vow of “poverty, chastity and obedience” is a pretty big deal, right?

Theodora Hawksley, 29, has recently moved into an unusual house-share. Her housemates are, as she puts it, three women the age of her mother and three women the age of her grandmother.

The oldest is 89.

Her meals and accommodation are paid for, but she gets just a small allowance to cover everything else, including travel, haircuts and clothes – which she gets from charity shops.
Oh, and relationships and sex are off the cards, forever.

Theo, who I met last week, is a nun. Her lifestyle may sound alien to you or me, but she is happy and fulfilled – “I’ve hit my stride as a person,” she says. And she’s not alone. New figures from the Catholic Church show that last year the number of women becoming nuns in England and Wales hit a 25-year high, with 45 new recruits signing up – and 15 of them were 30 or under.

Theo’s order, the Congregation of Jesus, is an apostolic, or active, one – meaning the nuns work out in the community, rather than being “enclosed” (it was set up in the 17th century by Mary Ward, who challenged Church rules at the time that women in religious life should always be enclosed, and believed women should be educated). They don’t wear habits or veils, and when I visited their house was full of laughter, rather than strict silence.

But for all that, taking a lifelong vow of “poverty, chastity and obedience” is still a pretty big deal, right?

“When you say ‘vow of chastity’, I think people usually just see ‘NO SEX EVER!’ in big neon lights,” Theo says. “There’s more to it than that – a vow of chastity means not entering into an exclusive romantic relationship with one other person, and that means no marriage, no sex and no children.

“If I have a sense of ‘missing out’, it’s more about that – giving up the possibility of a fulfilling relationship with one other person – than it is about sex in and of itself,” she explains.

She’s dated in the past, and had a serious one-year relationship after her undergraduate degree, which she thought might end in marriage. Though it didn’t, she says it was an important step, without which she might not have ended up becoming a nun.

“It’s not that it broke my heart, but it showed me how great my heart is and therefore how great my capacity for God is,” she says.

“When you say ‘vow of chastity’, I think people usually just see ‘NO SEX EVER!’ in big neon lights”
Theo stresses that she and others like her do have a lot of love in their lives; she still sees friends and family, and has the love of the community she lives in.

The challenge of chastity is not being able to share life with one other person, but that, she reckons, is also a gift. “Because you don’t get to choose who you love, you end up loving more rather than less,” she explains. “So for me, chastity is more about ‘yes to love’ than ‘no to sex’!”

After their communal dinner each evening, the nuns sit around the table and pray together for people they’ve met during the day who are in need, and for those suffering around the world.

Theo’s life might not be one many of us can imagine taking on – and of course religion itself is problematic for many people. But after a couple of hours with these warm, determined women, I came away reminded that taking the time to think compassionately about the lives of other people – not just those we love, but colleagues and strangers too – is something we can all do that might help make the world just a tiny bit better.

Source: COSMOPOLITAN